WASHINGTON DC. A new initiative by the Trump Administration’s Justice Department aims to stop affirmative action programs that have prevented white people from enjoying benefits hoarded by minorities. “Visit any jail,” said Attorney General Jeff Sessions. “‘Nuf said.”
The Trump Administration says that bias against white people is so deeply embedded in society that we don’t even notice anymore. “Why is there an opioid crisis, but a war on drugs?” asked Sessions. “Because white people take opioids, that’s why.”
Sessions argues that whites are being cheated out of the key benefits a war on opioids would yield, like a chance to earn a coveted gangsta rep, career opportunities in the drug mule job market, or demonization by right-wing media. “No justice, no piece of the action,” quipped the Attorney General.
Sessions, playing on the success of the President’s slogan, “Make America Great Again,” is distributing hats emblazoned with the initiative’s catchphrase, “Put the W Back in Indignity.” “We call it Windignity,” said Sessions, “And the winning has just begun.”