WASHINGTON DC. The FBI reports that Reince Priebus, held hostage until yesterday by the Trump Administration, is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Stockholm Syndrome causes hostages to side with their captors, particularly if held in an Ikea-furnished room. “The Trumps would never actually buy anything from Ikea.” commented an insider. “Rather, they leave Ikea catalogs scattered about for effect.”
Priebus is alleged to have made his way out by following one of the escape routes made popular by Mike Pence. The most famous of these, dubbed Pence to the Fence, traces Pence’s second attempt to flee the White House.
Because security to that point had been designed only to keep people out of the White House, Pence was able to race unnoticed to the fence. The grappling hook he was trying to toss, though, latched onto his own shoulder, causing him to become hopelessly intertwined. Pence was discovered the next morning, when gardeners needed to move him to do some light weeding. “They asked the Secret Service where they should lean him.” commented the insider. “And the plot was foiled.”