SUMMIT BECHTEL PRESERVE, WV. In honor of Donald Trump, The Boy Scouts of America announced today the introduction of a new merit badge for bullying. The organization also announced that they have modernized their pledge. “We considered adding a badge for groping.” said an insider, “But we felt that those skills were adequately covered by the Veterinary badge”
To save money on having to reprint this year’s list, the Bullying badge will be combined with Bugling. “You’d be surprised how many people fear a good bugling.” said a veteran scout leader.
The scouts also announced a new pledge. “The current pledge is out of step with the times, with quaint references to helping others, acting morally, and so on.” said a press release. The new pledge puts the emphasis on the values enshrined by the Trump administration, such as disloyalty, intolerance, and caring about yourself first, above God and country.
In an unrelated change, the scout uniform will now feature selections from the Ivankawear Trump Youth collection. “The new gold armband emblazoned with a T will generate a level of respect and fear that have been missing from the organization for a generation.” cooed KellyAnne Conway. “Time to make the scouts great again, dontcha think.” added Conway with a wink.
