KING OF PRUSSIA, PA. Sporting a fake mustache, Vice President Mike Pence made an ill-fated attempt to collude with the Prussians during the Trump campaign last fall. “I’m guessing he misread the Evite to the meeting.” said Donald Trump Jr. “I know he got it because he RSVP’d and said he’d bring cake.”
Working alone, Pence first tried to use his cell phone to call Prussia, but the minutes on his plan were exhausted, and he was forced use a pay phone. Finding himself with only 28 quarters, three short, the Vice President decided to drop by, landing Air Force 2 in the parking lot of the King of Prussia Mall here.
“I was at work in the food court, and this guy walks up and asks if know where he can find the king.” said an Auntie Anne’s employee. “I was like, what? Then he asked if I wanted a selfie with him. I was like, get lost, loser.”
Pence was ultimately unsuccessful at locating the Prussians. He was, however, once again mistaken for a confederate war memorial, and toppled. Pence’s ability to stand perfectly still is credited with his unprecedented record for being toppled. “This is the third time.” said Pence. “Getting a little tired of this.”