WASHINGTON DC. The Environmental Protection Agency moved today to shield Donald Trump’s children from extinction, invoking the Endangered Species Act of 1973 to ensure their survival. “The woodchuck, the squirrel, and now the Trump children share equal protection under the law.” said an emotional Tom Price, the EPA’s chief.
The move by the EPA exhausts the agency’s entire budget of $17.48. “You’d be amazed how much paper you have to use for this sort of thing.” said Price. “We had to borrow HUD’s stapler to seal the deal.”
Democrats in Congress were outraged by the move. “The borrowing of a stapler, and likely staples, from HUD will not stand.” said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. “Collusion is this administration’s middle name.”
Under the act, Trump’s children are protected from poaching, having their breeding grounds disturbed, and trademark infringement in the northern hemisphere. “Look what happened to those cute baby seals.” said press Deputy White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabbee. “All that publicity, and not a dime.”