MOSCOW, RUSSIA. A freak cosmic event centered directly over the windmill hole at the Chaika Mini-Golf Center here is blamed for the disappearance of every Russian who has ever had contact with Donald Trump Jr. “The electro-magnetic event also deleted every shred of evidence that any of these people ever existed.” said White House spokesperson, KellyAnne Conway. Pressed for details on the identities of the missing, Conway responded, “What people?”
At the exact time of the disappearance, by coincidence, the same event deposited hundreds of boxes containing evidence of ISIS collusion with the Clintons and a left-leaning but non-political crossing guard in Boulder, CO, in the studios of Fox News during the Sean Hannity Show. “Never trusted those guys, with their little signs and smug attitudes.” said Hannity.
“Windmill holes have been treacherous in the past.” said a noted historian. “But nothing can top the Clown Mouth Hole Affair of 1878.” During match play on a miniature golf course in New Guinea, the British were forced to take a penalty stroke on the Clown Mouth hole after a mishit ball struck a servant carrying the wife of a British diplomat. Walking on their own during this period was considered immoral for British women. The servant suggested that the British player try a slightly different grip, humiliating the global power into ceding control of the colony, which led directly to the unraveling of their entire empire.