HAMBURG, GERMANY. In a first for women at the G20 Summit here, President Donald Trump asked his daughter take his seat at an official meeting, and hold the crotch of a diplomat he was groping so he could send an important tweet. “The First Daughter only held the seat for a few minutes.” said Reince Priebus. “She held the crotch for a little longer as autocorrect kept changing the word kisses to missiles.” Millions died in a similar autocorrect incident earlier this year.
This was the first time a woman had taken the seat of an elected government leader at a G20 meeting, and only the second time a family member stepped in mid-grope. The first was Denis Thatcher, husband of Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. “It was more of a clench than a grope.” said Denis at the time. “She was a ball-buster that one.”
As further evidence of Trump’s instinct for gender equality, Priebus noted that the President had sent his son to discuss adoption with the Russians. Donald Trump Jr. lured the Russians into the meeting, promising to care about dirt on Hilary Clinton. He then pivoted the conversation to the adoption of North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-un, by his parents.
“They were looking for parenting advice.” said Trump Jr. “Adoption can leave lasting emotional scars on a sensitive thirty-year old.” The Trumps had planned the adoption to defuse tensions on the Korean Peninsula, a plan that collapsed when the couple discovered that Kim was a boy.