WASHINGTON DC. The Trump administration’s Voter Fraud Commission has demanded that states turn over personal information on all voters, including social security numbers, ballots, and any revenge porn they happen to have. “We prefer the actual files, but links will do.” said Kris Kobach, the commission’s combative Vice-Chairman.
Kobach is best known for spending all of Kansas’s state budget last year searching for illegal voters. “Frankly, it wasn’t much of a budget to begin with.” said Kobach. Not a single example of fraud surfaced, though Koback did uncover evidence that Melvin Purvis has been cheating on his diet. “Twinkies, Mel. Really?” scoffed Kobach.
Mike Pence, Chairman of the Voter Fraud Commission, has not been seen in public since his botched visit to the Kennedy Space Center last week. Pence was inadvertently mistaken for a small booster rocket and strapped to a projectile. Only swift action by Pence’s crack security team prevented disaster, though Pence was ignited briefly. “He got about four off feet the ground before they wrestled him back down.” said a witness.