EL SEGUNDO, CA.  The Mattel Corporation released their top secret male doll line today, retiring the venerable Ken doll and replacing him with two new dolls, DonDon and BarBar.

Each doll comes with special accessories. “DonDon comes with his own twitter account, extra fingers designed for laying blame, and tiny gloves.”  The dolls also come with personalized birth certificates, though BarBar’s wasn’t able to be located in time for this review.

The doll’s are anatomically correct, further evidence that the only people who buy dolls today are, “…people looking for a bit of nostalgia, a possible collectible, and maybe a little something extra.” said the mischievous press release accompanying the introduction.

The announcement of the new line was overshadowed by a leaked email thread capturing company executives ridiculing a Mike Pence themed doll.  “It doesn’t even bend.” said one executive.  Mike Pence is well know for his rigid stance.  At a recent cabinet meeting love-in, Pence was toppled but maintained his stance even with his face buried in floral arrangement. “Not a hair out of place.” said an admiring Steve Bannon.