HAMDEN, CT. The nation’s clowns have banded together to dispute a recent Quinnipiac University poll showing that the first word that comes to mind when voters hear the words Donald Trump is ‘Idiot’.
9. What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of Donald Trump? (Numbers are not percentages. Figures show the number of times each response was given. This table only reports words that were mentioned at least five times.)
“Just look at the man, literally. Look at his actions. They say one word, ‘Clown’.” said Chuckles P., the group’s spokesperson.
Clowns have had a tough run recently. Experts trace their current slump to poor partnership choices, starting with an endorsement deal with John Wayne Gacey. “Who knew?” said Chuckles. The downturn accelerated with the recent closure of the Barnum and Bailey Circus, driving unemployment among clowns to a record high. “Guys are selling their tiny cars on eBay. It’s tragic.”
“When Trump got elected, we saw in him a chance for our redemption.” said Chuckles. “But instead, the idiots are crowding our space.” Clowns are not the only group demanding new polls. “How is it possible that ‘buffoon’ only got seven votes.” said a spokesperson for sidelined Uber CEO, Travis Kalanick.
Many suspect that voter fraud is to cause for the unexpected rise of idiots in the polling, but Donald Trump argues simply that once again, the polls have it wrong. “According to this Fake Poll, Dictator only got six votes.” tweeted Trump, “Just wait.”