WASHINGTON DC. With investigations swirling and high profile Trump Administration officials getting precious airtime in high profile Senate hearings and in the press, Vice President Mike Pence is reportedly miffed to once again find himself on the sidelines. “Mike Pence, Mike Pence, let me see…nope not on my list.” commented Robert Mueller. “I believe he is testifying before an Agriculture sub-committee on the use of corn byproducts as hair gel, though, if you want to see him in action.”
The Vice President has made it clear that he feels locked out of the bad-boy inner sanctum at the White House. After complaining bitterly that his phone calls with the Russian intelligence members were not wiretapped, Pence sent the transcripts to WikiLeaks, only to have them returned. “WikiLeaks provided a helpful list of things they are looking for.” said an aide to the Vice President, “Most involve actually knowing something, unfortunately.”
In an attempt to call attention to himself and what he might know, Pence has taken the unusual step of retaining a high profile criminal defense lawyer even though he is not under suspicion or being investigated. “Right now, we anticipate billable hours to be zero, so we charged him a flat fee.” said an accountant for the firm.