PENCE TOPPLED DURING MISTIMED BALLOON DROP AT CABINET LOVE FEST

cabinetWASHINGTON DC.  Vice President Mike Pence was tipped onto his side today when a mistimed balloon drop caused a mad scramble among Cabinet members looking to change seats during the group’s first full meeting. The President was proceeding around the table asking each cabinet member for honest praise, when the balloons fell prematurely. A melee ensued, and an inadvertent elbow by Frederick Douglass toppled the normally upright Vice President.

“Pence never broke stance, and found himself wobbling against a side table, balanced precariously.” said an unnamed source. Pence is no stranger to toppling.  On a recent visit to Indiana, the Vice President was mistaken for a Confederate war memorial, and toppled by the crowd.  Though uninjured, his hair was badly mussed. This time, Pence came prepared.  “We can confirm that the Vice President has increased his use of hair gel, preventing unplanned mussings and giving him a fresh, just showered look at all times.” said a spokesperson.

The normally reserved cabinet was thrown into chaos after members realized that their feedback was being recorded.  When the balloons fell prematurely, members broke ranks to gain positional advantage. “Jim Mattis took a seat that already had been called on.” said a cabinet member. “Impressive.”

Unperturbed by the scene, the President called on Pence for praise despite his face being buried in a floral arrangement at the time.  Though muffled, Pence is believed to have said, “Being Vice-President in this administration is turning out just as I had hoped.”

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