orlandoWASHINGTON DC.  Concerned that attention showered on nations victimized by recent terror attacks is lessening the tourist appeal of visiting sites of mass murders in the U.S., Donald Trump today ended terrorism by banning van rentals worldwide.  “Just today, six people were slaughtered in a mass murder in Orlando and what coverage did that get abroad?  Bupkis.” tweeted Trump.

“Van rentals and other lax rental-related regulations cause terrorism.” concluded Trump after the horrific attack in London this weekend.  Trump not only banned van rentals, but also added a surcharge for carrying armed passengers, a step he deems necessary to dissuade committed jihadists.

With terrorism ended, Trump took steps to bolster U.S. tourism, boosting the level of overt hatred in the U.S. by banning political correctness here.  “People flock to the U.S. to experience the special blend of excitement only racism, xenophobia, and a heavily armed populace can bring.” said Trump.  In support of the initiative, the White House is adding verbal abuse and physical intimidation to tours here, with special pressure applied to the purchase of hats and assorted memorabilia in the gift shop.


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