WASHINGTON DC. Illegal immigration was dealt a lethal blow today by Donald Trump as he pulled U.S. support from the Paris Accords. “We don’t need a wall.” said Trump, “If anyone tries to visit, they’ll be dead in a week.” During Trump’s announcement, he singled out Syria, a country that never signed the Paris Accords, as leading the way in the fight against illegal immigration. “You don’t see any Mexicans over there, do you?” said Trump.
Polluted air and water are only part of the solution. Trump pointed out that most illegal immigrants can’t swim – “Look at what happens when one of those rafts goes down!” – so rising sea levels will also serve as a strong deterrent to Mexicans, or wayward French, from swimming to the U.S.
According to EPA scientists, Americans have developed unparalleled tolerance to polluted air and water, making it possible for the nation’s people to thrive in environments toxic to other life forms. “Look at the people of Flint, Michigan — great people, bloated, hairless, three-eyed — setting an example for the world.”
“With Trumpcare poised to kill off our weak, our country is poised to overrun lesser nations as they succumb to the foul air and poisoned water that will truly make America great again.”