tweetWASHINGTON DC.  Donald Trump banned autocorrect today, calming billions of exasperated people and stopping climate change.  Last night, autocorrect changed “coverage” to “covfefe” in a Trump tweet. Trump realized that autocorrect-driven retyping and resulting temper flares cause the unnecessary release of carbon dioxide, which, in scale, causes climate change.  “I was like, duh.” tweeted Trump.

The impact was immediate and pronounced.  “It was definitely cooler today.” said a man in upstate New York.  Leaders worldwide agreed, tearing up the Paris Accords and immediately swapping their Priuses for HumVees.  “Jobs, jobs, jobs,” beamed the President.

Autocorrect first came to the world’s attention when millions of Mexicans died in a nuclear mishap caused by an autocorrected word in a Trump tweet.  While President, in retaliation for alleged election meddling, Barack Obama unleashed autocorrect on Russia.

“Autocorrect is our most potent technological weapon.” said a Pentagon spokesperson. “While banned, its use is still permitted for matters of national security.”  Many suspect that autocorrect was used to trick North Korean planners into including a giant pinata during a recent military parade.  “Not telling.” smirked the spokesperson.


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