RUMORS OF HOUSECLEANING LIFT TRUMP STAFF MORALE, CARPETS

trumpWASHINGTON DC.  The White House was buzzing tonight with rumors of a major housecleaning that could affect many of the key members of Donald Trump’s team.  Morale was high, particularly among staff members hoping to be asked to leave. “It would be like a dream come true.” said Vice President Mike Pence.

Various staff members were reported to be sending subtle signals to the President, like asking him if they could borrow the packing tape, placing ads for their offices on AirBnB, and storing all their possessions in boxes marked “Living Room.”

Press Secretary Sean Spicer dismissed the rumors as fake news, saying instead that the rumored housecleaning was literally that.  “There are still schmutz centers from when the Clintons were here.” said Spicer.  Democrats cried foul, saying Spicer once again disrespected the Jewish people by using the term “schmutz centers”, an allusion to the term “concentration centers” he used to impress upon the public how evil it was of Syrian leadership to gas their own citizens.

Layoff rumors persisted despite Spicer’s denial. When informed that a Vice President cannot be fired, Pence’s morale collapsed again.  Pence has had a rough time adjusting to life in the Trump administration.  He complained early on that his conversations with Russian intelligence were neither bugged nor leaked.  Later, Pence twice tried to escape White House grounds, only to be hustled back into his office by his crack security team.

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