burqaRIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA.  Noting that nearly all terror activity occurs in countries where women have modern rights, like the ability to own a goat outright, or being allowed to stand fully upright without male supervision, Arab leaders here plan to fight terror by curtailing these modernization trends in their homelands.  “We’re considering whether it’s wise to let women leave the womb.” said a spokesperson for Saudi leadership.

Leaders here also note that to be effective, acts of terror need to be publicized. For years, Arab nations fought terror by keeping their people illiterate, but modern communication tools like the telegraph, radio and moving pictures have overwhelmed this coordinated effort in mass ignorance.

Recognizing that it’s impossible to cut off an entire nation from the flow of global information and its stepchildren, unhealthy practices like skepticism and debate, leaders here are copying successful trends in the U.S. to cultivate mass ignorance.  “From this point forward, FoxNews will be the only channel available to our people, and we are working on a deal with leading American talk radio hosts.” Insiders acknowledge that while running Hannity 24×7 is the only real answer, some diversity is required to maintain advertiser support.

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