WASHINGTON DC. Donald Trump, unschooled in protocol regarding the use of the country’s arsenal of biologically altered fictional reptiles, unleashed a pint-sized version of Godzilla on Vice President Mike Pence while trying to impress visiting Russian officials. “Trump pulled out a box with six colorful buttons and said, ‘Push one!'” said Fydor Stoyeski. “Could have been worse.” said Henry Kissinger, who was in the room at the time.
The Vice President, who was scavenging for collectible Trump memorabilia in a White House closet, escaped unharmed as he was able to swat the fire-breathing reptile away with a nearby sign. “These signs are going to be worth a fortune!” said the Vice President, as he was hustled off by the Secret Service. Exterminators were then called in to deal with the nuisance. “Luckily, the White House signed up for the annual Terminex plan, so there will be no impact on the budget.” said a Treasury spokesperson.
“Trump did nothing wrong, as early in his presidency he signed an Executive Order authorizing himself to use fictional characters for political gain.” said National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster. McCaster singled out Trump’s appointment of Santa to a Cabinet post as an example. Trump, who has made extensive use of Executive Orders, claimed that he signed several that Obama had left in his desk drawer without reading them. “Just tidying up.” said the President. “What a slob. Great guy though. Fit. Black.”
Democrats were outraged at the breach of protocol. “The impact on global warming will be profound.” intoned Senator Chuck Schumer, “And the Japanese are furious, not to mention the animal rights crowd.”