PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA. The rogue nation of North Korea collapsed in bankruptcy today after shelling out $300 in ransom to get its one computer back and working. “Kim Jong-un has all the country’s nuclear secrets on that computer.” said a spokesperson, “And all his mom’s recipes. Something had to be done.”
The country didn’t realize that paying the fee would bankrupt it. “Last time we checked, we had $312 in checking, but someone who shall remain nameless used the country’s debit card to buy $20 worth of PowerBall tickets.” continued the spokesperson. One of the tickets matched two numbers and the PowerBall, but the $7 payoff still left the nation $1 short, and insolvent.
The nation placed itself for sale on EBAY for $1800, promoting “Huge Lot, 46,541 square miles. Wooded. Comes with 21 million people. Flag.” Despite the attractive price, competition from the sale of Estonia and of the financially strapped state of New Jersey have kept the number of bids in check. “We thought throwing in the flag would sweeten the pot.” said the spokesperson, “But maintenance of 21 million people has been off-putting to some buyers.”
Meanwhile, federal investigators in the U.S. have named Al Gore, inventor of the internet, as a person of interest in the massive ransomware attack that snared Vice President Mike Pence as the only U.S. victim to date. Gore has been joined by Hillary Clinton in an effort to raise funds to rid the U.S. of the electoral college and to launch a chain of teriyaki restaurants.