WASHINGTON DC. The nation breathed a sigh of relief when hackers returned Mike Pence’s data unharmed, calling it “boring”. Pence was the only U.S. citizen caught up in a worldwide hack that affected tens of thousand of people in nearly 100 countries. Most people had to pay a $300 ransom to get their data back. “Apparently Pence had bookmarked and was the only regular viewer of the one compromised file in the U.S., a video of Captain and Tenille’s hit, Muskrat Love.” said an NSA hacking expert.
Pence’s data was returned by the hackers along with an envelope containing a copy of security software designed to prevent other hackers from wasting their time with the VP’s data. The hacker’s conclusion echoes that of intelligence officers in the U.S., who didn’t bother to eavesdrop on Pence’s calls to Russian spies. Pence complained bitterly about this slight.
The public dissing of Pence by hackers was a setback in Pence’s effort to recast himself as a White House bad boy, most recently by cruising DC in leather trying to pick up chicks. His efforts failing, Pence recently has sought to distance himself from President Trump in order to save his reputation. He had to be dragged onto Air Force One for a flight from Mar-A-Lago, and he was captured trying to escape from the White House.
Captain and Tenille once again find themselves thrust into the public eye. The Captain tried to jumpstart a comeback tour for the duo recently by creating a hoax about their death. The effort floundered when a hoax about Britney Spears’s death overshadowed The Captain’s hoax.