WASHINGTON DC. With awkward timing, given the comparisons between the firing of James Comey and Watergate, Donald Trump met with Henry Kissinger to help promote the new Republican healthcare program. Kissinger’s head was accidentally attached to the body of Danny DeVito in a botched Obamacare-funded transplant.
The meeting was intended to highlight the deficiencies of Obamacare, but reporters insisted on pressing Nixon’s former Secretary of State on the Comey firing. “There is no comparison between Nixon and Trump.” said Kissinger. “Trump is much taller, and more tan.”
In an attempt to change the topic, Trump invited Russian intelligence officers in from their White House office to join him and Kissinger in a spirited round of musical chairs. With “Pop Goes the Weasel” blaring from Oval Office speakers, Trump and Kissinger quickly bested their Russian colleagues, claiming the final two available chairs.
Kissinger, who is 147, had been kept alive by having his head removed and stored in White House linen closet for the past 24 years. “The head required constant medical attention and occasional dusting.” said a White House staff member.
Advances in medical science allowed Kissinger’s head to be reattached to a donor body, but a glitch in the Obamacare website mismatched the intellectual giant with the body of Danny DeVito. DeVito, who was still alive at the time, agreed to the surgery to rekindle his flagging career. After displaying his physical prowess at musical chairs, Kissinger was offered a spot on Dancing with the Stars, validating DeVito’s decision.
Much to the delight of the reporters on hand, Kissinger and Trump reminisced about their meeting with Mao – “Great man, roundish.” said Trump. “Chatted him up last week.” – but the fun was interrupted when Kissinger’s citizenship status was challenged by Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Kissinger was placed under house arrest pending deportation hearings. “No one is above the law.” shrugged the President.