WASHINGTON DC. The Labor Department adjusted its forecast for job creation in May down from 211,000 to 210,999 to account for the firing of FBI Director James Comey. “It took 18 days to fire Michael Flynn and months to fire James Comey because Donald Trump promised to create jobs, not destroy them.” said Press Secretary Sean Spicer.
As if to prove Spicer’s point, Trump later tweeted that he had negotiated a deal with the Kushner family to require that Chinese who buy EB-5 visas hire at least two servants to make up for the loss. “We’ll do our best to support our country.” said Nancy Meyer, Trump advisor Jared Kushner’s sister. Meyer announced that the family has sweetened the pot for potential Chinese immigrants. “For $500,000, Chinese will get a visa, a stake in our commercial property venture, and a blender.”
Even conservatives cried foul at the new deal. “An FBI Director for two servants,” said an incredulous Ted Cruz, “is hardly what I call a fair swap.” Cruz is pushing his plan to force indebted college students into indentured servitude, citing a backlog of 30,000 graduates waiting for jobs. “The idea is modeled after the Peace Corps, except for the slavery part.” Trump’s plan is to retrain out of work coal miners and FBI directors to fill the roles.
This is the second jobs program developed by Trump aimed at coal miners. The first involved a deal with Santa to resume the practice of giving naughty children a lump of coal at Christmas, increasing demand for the embattled industry. The deal was approved by the EPA, but is under judicial review.
Federal Bureau of Investigation