WASHINGTON DC. Hours of careful thought paid off today for House Republicans when they passed TrumpCare, bringing hope to millions of poor and working class Americans for a quicker end to their miserable, brutish lives. “America’s future will be built on unhealthy, uneducated and unwanted babies.” said a jovial Paul Ryan describing the three pillars of Trumpian social policy. “One down…Batter up!”
Freed from the concerns of having money for retirement, or even living much past forty, many poor and working class Americans are greatly relieved. “A short life is a blessing.” said one man, overcome with emotion, “But a life without healthcare related paperwork, well, over the top.” Paperwork related deaths for lower class Americans are expected to fall, but Ryan believes that setback will be offset by an increase infant mortality. “It’s a win-win!” crowed Ryan.
With a benefit shift this large there are winners and losers. Suffering the most are the super-rich, who suddenly find themselves with an extra $600 billion. As reported earlier, doctors are reporting an alarming rise in distress among the super-rich who must already shoulder the impossible task of squandering millions a year. “He has three solid gold bowling balls.” said the spokesperson’s spokesperson for an anonymous super-rich person. “We’re running out of ideas.”