WASHINGTON, DC. President Trump today raised eyebrows by inviting the leading figures from the world’s four major religions to a poker game where they can, “sit down and hash things out like men.” Noting that Buddha tends to treat all hands as equal, Trump further believes that he can broker world harmony and cover the cost of beer and possibly even fancy shelled nuts. “The game can either be at Mar-A-Lago or heaven.” said Trump, noting that while security at Mar-A-Lago would be pricey, the cost would be far less than travel to heaven.
“Lies, lies, lies.” said federal fiscal watchdogs. “Trump is ignoring the fact that the other four are already in Heaven.” The White House countered that while that is true, the four could carpool to Mar-A-Lago. “We have evidence that Moses just took possession of a Land Rover that comfortably seats up to six.” said Senior Advisor KellyAnne Conway, causing pundits to speculate that another religion or two might be represented at the game. Conway further noted that the four likely would need minimal luggage for the overnight, as suites at Mar-A-Lago all come with robes that will always make do in a pinch.
Skeptics noted that the timing of the invite is suspicious, given the recent launch of Ivankawear’s Prophetic line of cassocks and tunics. “The perfect thing for a daytime miracle or a night at the theater!” shilled Conway. “Prophets for profit. You gotta hand it to that crew.” said a leading Democrat with a touch of envy.