PALM BEACH, FL. Donald Trump today became the first President in history to card a golf score lower than 100 during his first 100 days. “Eisenhower shot as 93, but it was on his 214th day in office.” sniffed Press Secretary Sean Spicer. Trump worked hard at this goal, spending more time on a golf course than any President in history. The work paid off when he shot a 99 on his 100th day. “I got lucky.” Trump said after bouncing his ball off Mike Pence’s head into the cup on the 18th hole. “Golf is harder than I thought.”
Trump is not the first President to turn to hobbies to find relief from the day-to-day pressure of annoying liberals. In the 1840s, President James Polk kept a collection of interesting black people in a back room at the White House, much to the chagrin of abolitionists and his wife, who complained about the need to dust them frequently.
“I’m outraged.” said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. “The Rules of Golf clearly state that bouncing a ball off a Vice President’s head earns a penalty stroke.” Experts disagree though. “Pence was attempting to flee when the ball struck the back of his head.” said a noted expert. Pence has made several attempts to escape the White House in an attempt to salvage his reputation. “A fleeing Vice President is an exception to the rule.”
Trump plans to continue to set golf-related records during this term. “Next up, windmill holes.” said Trump, referring to a tax-payer funded miniature golf course under construction at Mar-A-Lago.