NEW YORK, NY. Fox News, reeling from the dismissal of their number one star, Bill O’Reilly, came under further fire today when transgender staff members filed a class action suit claiming that they were denied an equal opportunity for unwanted advances by various network execs and stars. In response, Fox News issued a statement clarifying their policy that all staff, regardless of gender, would be subject to random groping, sexual innuendo, and degrading restroom graffiti. “We are an equal opportunity abuser.” said a network spokesperson.
Large corporations received unwanted attention over the last several weeks for discriminatory policies. United Airlines modified their passenger abuse policy to ensure all economy fliers have an equal chance of being badgered, denied breathable air, or even deplaned midair. To implement the policy, the airline introduced a new inflight feature, The Wheel of Mistreatment. “Passengers with peanut allergies are especially lucky,” said an airline spokesperson, shielding a mischievous grin.
Swift equity-related policy changes at Fox News and United mirror actions by the Trump Administration to ensure that millions of consumers are equally denied choice of their Internet provider, can have their private data sold to the highest bidder, and pay exorbitant deductibles for healthcare. For the transgender community, the changes at Fox ensure that they too have a chance to share in the millions distributed to abuse victims. “When we say lean in at work, we mean it.” commented a network exec.