PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA. Western observers were shocked today when North Korea unveiled the world’s largest pinata during a military parade in its capital. Experts had estimated the isolated nation was years away from deploying a pinata of this size. “We’ve observed small tests at recent office parties,” said a military expert, “but nothing of this scale.” Notably absent from the parade was a stick large enough to bash the pinata. “It’s clearly not weaponized, but it still is of great concern.”
Already enraged by the North Korean claims of greater attendance at the parade than at his inauguration, President Trump was quick to react to the provocation. Trump demanded that the Chinese stop supplying North Korea with hard candies, gum, and blindfolds, and began construction of a massive inflatable wall. Trump recently began construction of a 2,000 mile high wall to protect the U.S. from attack by the rogue nation.
The choice of a pinata was another poke in the eye to the administration. The price of pinatas has soared in the U.S. over concerns of NAFTA’s demise. Working-class Americans are being forced to buy pinatas on the black market, jeopardizing Trump’s already wobbly support among a group skeptical of his foreign adventurism. “Trump promised us a free pinata on our birthdays each year, but I got an inflatable clam.” said a Indiana housewife. “Another broken promise.” she sighed.