abuse.pngCapitalizing on publicity over an abusive deplaning, United Airlines is doubling down on its position as the best airline for elite travelers.  The company is introducing live video streaming in premium classes of abusive travel in their new Economy Minus seating.  “Our premium customers can sit back and watch everyone else suffer!” exclaimed a spokesperson.  “Just for kicks, twenty percent of the seats back there don’t have oxygen masks.” chortled the spokesperson. “The laughs just keep coming.”

“United is capitalizing on their reputation as the worst airline in the country,” said a business consultant.  “Other airlines will struggle to match Economy Minus benefits which include random face-slapping, already breathed air, and mid-air deplaning.

United’s competitors though were quick to try match United’s daring new policy.  On Delta, First Class passengers can participate in violent deplanings, while American is placing lie-flat seating throughout the cabin.  “Imagine the fun of full recline when it literally crushes the person behind you,” said a spokesperson.

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