WASHINGTON DC. In a lively exchange that has become a hallmark of White House press conferences, Press Secretary Sean Spicer clarified the newly hatched Trump Red Line regarding the use of force against foreign nations: “Gassing innocent people will not be tolerated. They must be killed in less lethal ways.” When pressed, Spicer explained that, “Hitler’s mistake was gassing Jews, as opposed to, say, shooting them, or hitting them with sticks.”
The uproar that followed was immediate. The gun lobby backed the White House’s general principle, but said that only shootings should be tolerated. Environmentalists argued that hitting with sticks is carbon-neutral, so long as the sticks are lovingly harvested from dead trees.
Spicer’s pivot from his misstatement that Hitler didn’t kill innocent people in Holocaust centers was seen as masterful by p.r. experts, who point to United Airlines’ mishandling of their widely publicized bloodying of a passenger as a case-study in corporate ineptitude. Meanwhile, Wells Fargo execs lamented that their publicity move of only rewarding $125MM to disgraced former execs was overshadowed by today’s news. “You try to do right by the common man and what do get? Bupkis. Never again.” moaned a company flack, without apparent irony.
United States Government