PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA. Confused by President Trump’s unpredictable foreign policy and frustrated by their inability to conquer the ocean even after a sustained missile attack, North Korea today inadvertently launched a surprise attack on itself. “When we came upon the kimchi, we knew something was terribly wrong,” said a defector.
“The president is rolling the dice on foreign policy decisions.” explained Press Secretary Sean Spicer. Under intense questioning, Spicer acknowledged that the President is literally rolling dice engraved with country names and possible actions. A review of delivery slips confirmed that the White House recently signed for a small package, and the browsing history off Rex Tillerson exposed that he had googled the spelling of “Turkmenistan” last week.
North Korea has launched nearly 100 missiles into the ocean over the last decade. While the ocean remains unperturbed, several families of fish have filed a grievance. Meanwhile, the papers are not yet finalized for the Trumps adoption of North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong Un, and many doubt the new family will ever form. “First this, and now Ivanka says she does not want another brother.” said a source close to the family. “Emotions are running high.”