WASHINGTON DC. Concern over leaks in Trump Administration was set aside today when the White House confirmed that furniture there is protected by IvankaVax. “IvankaVax is a godsend,” gushed KellyAnne Conway, “spills, slobber, and grease from shady transactions just wipe away!” Conway confirmed that Ivanka was able to clean borscht stains on chairs left by Russian intelligence officers who vacated their offices in the White House for her. “We love ’em,” said Conway, “but they’re such slobs!”
To test the power of IvankaVax, White House staffers leaked confidential information to Devin Nunes, House Intelligence Committee Chair. “It was an awful mess,” said staffers, “But it cleaned up in a jiff.” Nunes was surprised to be given the secret files as he was in the White House by coincidence, trying to reach 15,000 steps in a day. “As I said, I had 187 steps to go.”
IvankaVax is a non-toxic, clear wax made from dying honeybees. “Making money off the destruction of the environment is what we stand for,” said EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt. “While IvankaVax is made in China, labels are affixed in the U.S. by disabled liberals.” continued Pruitt. Liberals have been filing for disability at a record pace thanks to unchecked hand-wringing. IvankaVax is available online, at all government operated tourist attractions, and The Library of Congress. “I bought five!” said Nunes.