WASHINGTON DC. Moving efficiently to both point fingers and to probe Congressional Republicans to diagnose the defeat of his health care initiative, Donald Trump took delivery today of specially-sized dual purpose gloves. “The president is breaking new ground when it comes to finger-pointing.” explained Sean Spicer, “With his extra fingers, he’s able to lay blame at a record pace.”
The gloves serve a dual purpose according to Spicer. “We have to probe deeply to determine what’s really going on up there on the Hill.” said Spicer.
While Republican moderates were bending over backwards to help the President’s probing, conservatives refused to comment. “They can clench their cheeks and jaws all they want,” continued Spicer, “but we’re going to stick it to them.”
Health care experts commented that Congressional probes remain covered under ObamaCare. “This is truly a breakthrough in cost control and efficiency.” said Tom Price. “Trump will be able to probe several Congressmen at once while assigning blame.” Democrats remain skeptical that the President is truly committed to the probe, but according to Spicer, “Trump insists that he, and he alone, is the man for the job.”