BEIJING, CHINA.  Even rigged seating couldn’t dim Ivanka Trump’s rising star when Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Chinese President Ji Xinping wore identical clothes from her fashion line — Ivanka With a V — to their pre-summit meeting here. “A reporter shouted, ‘Who wore it better’,” laughed Ji, “What knuckleheads!”

The good times continued when Tillerson noted that Ji’s chair, though appearing identical to his, was actually several inches taller.  “The Chinese will do anything to gain a psychological advantage,” Tillerson told the crowd, “including wearing Ivanka’s patented crotch enhancers.”  While photographic evidence does seem to support Tillerson, the Chinese government flatly denies the claim.

The leaders spent two days together negotiating China’s role in de-escalating a clash between North Korea and the U.S.  That conflict has reach a boiling point, with Trump unveiling his vertical wall missile defense shield, calling China a bunch of do-nothings, and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un a bad, bad boy.  “The world is fortunate to have two calm, mature leaders at this time of great peril,” said funnyman Ji, “Not!”








  1. Screw Ji’s great wall. But wtf, no TittleTattle border mall in the our requirements!

    Today, we have a better idea of what that wall will actually look like. Below are the requirements for the “big, beautiful wall.” The wall must be reinforced concrete and “physically imposing in height.” The government is aiming for a 30-foot high wall, and heights of 18 feet are acceptable, but nothing less. It should not be possible for someone to climb the wall unassisted, and it should include “anti-climb topping features.” The wall should also prevent digging or tunneling for at least six feet below ground. It should be able to withstand a minimum of one hour of people attempting to breach a foot wide hole using their fist, sledgehammer, pick axe etc. When it comes to the creation of a hole larger than one foot in diameter, the first 12 feet of the wall should withstand these efforts for up to four hours. The north side of the wall, which faces the U.S., “shall be aesthetically pleasing in color, anti-climb texture, etc., to be consistent with general surrounding environment.” In addition, “the wall fittings and fixtures shall be secured on the north side of the wall to shield from external attack.” Trump called for the wall to have a “big, beautiful door,” and the posting calls for the wall design to accommodate large mechanized vehicle sliding gates.

    Sent from my iPhone



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