BEIJING, CHINA. Even rigged seating couldn’t dim Ivanka Trump’s rising star when Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Chinese President Ji Xinping wore identical clothes from her fashion line — Ivanka With a V — to their pre-summit meeting here. “A reporter shouted, ‘Who wore it better’,” laughed Ji, “What knuckleheads!”
The good times continued when Tillerson noted that Ji’s chair, though appearing identical to his, was actually several inches taller. “The Chinese will do anything to gain a psychological advantage,” Tillerson told the crowd, “including wearing Ivanka’s patented crotch enhancers.” While photographic evidence does seem to support Tillerson, the Chinese government flatly denies the claim.
The leaders spent two days together negotiating China’s role in de-escalating a clash between North Korea and the U.S. That conflict has reach a boiling point, with Trump unveiling his vertical wall missile defense shield, calling China a bunch of do-nothings, and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un a bad, bad boy. “The world is fortunate to have two calm, mature leaders at this time of great peril,” said funnyman Ji, “Not!”