WASHINGTON DC. Donald Trump shut down of the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) today after Ben Carson, HUD Secretary, announced that he had accomplished the department’s primary mission after only a few weeks on the job. “My department’s job is to count homelessness,” said Carson, “There are exactly 564,708 homeless people. Mission accomplished.”
Dismissing as quibbling complaints that the department’s mission is to counter homelessness, not count it, Trump offered Carson the newly created role of Model Unemployed Minority, or MUM. Fashioned after the role of Surgeon General, the MUM sets the tone for unemployed minority behavior and attitudes. “Ben’s good looks and affable manner make him the ideal minority,” said Trump, “Just go with the flow, bro.”
Trump added that the savings from shutting down HUD would go to ensuring that other programs important to his supporters are shut down as well, with the remainder paying for research on improving the appetizers at Mar-A-Lago. “The humidity down there, tough on anything baked,” sighed Trump.