WASHINGTON DC. Struggling to get his travel ban into effect, President Trump changed tactics today, combining the ban with his battle plan against ISIS by allowing Muslims from banned nations to visit Chicago. “To save time and money, the Trump administration is combining programs and policies wherever possible,” croaked Press Secretary Sean Spicer. “We feel safer in Syria,” said an ISIS spokesperson.
The Trump administration argues that inviting ISIS fighters over will cure the inconvenient problem that citizens from banned countries have not committed any terrorist acts in the U.S, making the ban itself more palatable. “Look, once here, they will have to kill someone,” said Spicer, “That’ll be a monkey off our backs.”
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel was quick to defend his city’s honor. “I realize it’s been a rough patch,” said Emanuel, “but is nothing like what Sweden has been going through.” Emanuel was referring to the crime-wracked Scandinavian country. Sweden made the world press this year when Donald Trump foiled a terrorist plat there, freeing millions of IKEA wrenches and the soft-pop band ABAA.