WASHINGTON DC. White House security forces announced the identity of an intruder arrested inside White House gates today as Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom. “Wisdom never got near the president,” said a security spokesperson, “though there was a brief encounter with Mike Pence.” Pence, showing signs of unusual lucidity, is under observation at the Walter Reed Medical Center.
Despite intense security, the White House perimeter has been breached many times. After the election, an illegal immigrant breached the fence, but was later released after explaining that he was trying to break back into Mexico after the election and mistook the fence for Trump’s Wall. “We got a lot of yuks out of that one,” chucked the Security team.
“Another leak,” sighed Donald Trump. The White House has been plagued by leaks, and took drastic steps recently ordering staff to stop using their lips while speaking. This comes on top of earlier security measures that replaced administration email with shadow puppetry.