MUSLIM TRAVEL BAN TO CUT TERROR ATTACKS FROM ZERO TO NEGATIVE THREE

penceban.pngWASHINGTON DC.  Vice-President Mike Pence said today that the ban on travel from six Muslim countries who have never committed terrorist acts against the U.S. would reduce the risk of attacks from those countries from zero to negative three.  “Negative three attacks give us tremendous leverage,” said Pence, “We can use negative attacks to cancel out positive attacks, or something like that.”

Democrats are outraged that the new ban not only removed Iraq, but wasn’t expanded to include countries like Canada or Sweden. “Adding those countries to the ban could have gotten us to negative ten, or beyond,” said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.  “Not so, clucked Pence, “Sweden is a swirling hotbed of terrorist activity.”  Pence was referencing the recent the thwarting of a terrorist attack involving millions of tiny IKEA wrenches.  Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia continues to bristle at being left off the ban.

Beyond tightening the country’s border, the Trump administration has been actively deporting illegal immigrants.  In the latest move, the administration is threatening illegals with deportation to Chicago, and is considering even harsher tactics, like forcing them to attend Congressional committee hearings. “It’s cold and inhuman,” said a human rights advocate, “Whole families put at this sort of risk?”

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