WASHINGTON DC. Donald Trump signed a revised travel ban today, one crafted to survive court challenges. The original ban was modified to remove Iraq in recognition of that country allowing the U.S. government to waste billions destroying it, while adding another to the list, Neverland. “Pirates have been spotted by Donald Trump in recent dreams, a threat that cannot be ignored,” commented Homeland Security Chief John F. Kelly.
The travel ban is designed to assuage the fears of ordinary citizens that they will be murdered by people from foreign lands, or by pirates. “Americans can now rest assured that they will only be murdered by their fellow citizens,” said Donald Trump.
Choosing to ban travel from Neverland, a sparsely populated fictional country, was seen by experts a deft political move to deflect attention from concerns over Trump’s mental health. After making wiretapping charges against Obama, Trump left many in the U.S. dumbfounded over the weekend when he invited Barrack Obama to take back over the presidency so he could face impeachment, or at the very least, a firm spanking.
Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia remains miffed that they once again didn’t make the list. First Yemen, now Neverland, what do we have to do?” wondered that nation’s leader. Saudi Arabia, home to many of history’s most notorious terrorists including those responsible for 9/11, was knocked off the first list by Yemen, a country of “do-nothing talkers.”