WASHINGTON DC.  Donald Trump today doubled down on his accusation that Barrack Obama personally authorized wiretaps of him and his staff during the campaign, demanding that Obama return to the presidency so that he can be impeached.  “Um, yeah, okay I guess,” said Obama, “Might have to check in with the Supreme Court, but otherwise, I’m in.”

Meanwhile, Russian intelligence agencies offered recordings supporting Trump’s
accusations.  At the request of the administration, in order to safeguard State secrets, the Russians have been recording all activities in the Oval Office, Mar-A-Lago, and Trump Tower.  “Inconspicuous dolls with recording capabilities and speech have been strategically placed to ensure that the truth is recorded and can come out,” said the head of Russian intelligence.  These recordings are only being released to Donald Trump to ensure safekeeping, though police are looking into connection with a disfigured love doll round recently in a White House dumpster.

Outraged Democrats point out that the dolls violate lobbying restrictions regarding gifts worth over $50, and should have been reported properly. “Not only do these dolls record, but they speak,” said Democrat Chuck Schumer, “And they say the cutest things!” Democrats plan to form a committee to decide whether to decide to investigate.

A sticking point in the negotiations for Obama’s return is the Vice-Presidency.  Vice-President Mike Pence, concerned that Obama may want a VP more aligned with his worldview, quickly referred to his new bad-boy image including the recent hacking of his email.  Pence recently refashioned himself as a “playa” to cultivate an image more befitting of his White House colleagues.