WASHINGTON DC. Tired of being ignored by the press while his colleagues’ antics dominate the headlines, VP Mike Pence shed his clean-cut image today and went cruising for chicks wearing 50’s leather from the Ivanka Bad Boy Collection. “I’m Indy bad,” tweeted Pence, “And I’m a player.” Pence later changed player to playa, a move insiders describe as designed to increase his hip factor.
Meanwhile, rumors swirled that Pence may have hacked his own email account to gain further cool cred. “Hackers normally don’t steal recipes for Mississippi Pot Roast,” droned the FBI. Pence apparently followed secret instructions posted by the Democratic Party’s security team on YouTube for setting up a home server for state secrets, and then glued top secret communiques to telephone poles to attract the attention of authorities.
This is the second attempt by Pence to break out of his typecast role as the administration’s sober father figure. Pence demanded recently that intelligence agencies tape his conversation with Russian spy agencies and that he be given an unlimited cell phone account for the calls. “We suspect Sweden is involved,” said an investigator.