2017-02-24_2021.pngSTOCKHOLM, SWEDEN.  Years after taking a backseat to other Norwegian powerhouses, Sweden is hoping to cash in on recent immigrant unrest and the spotlight cast on it by the Trump administration.  “This is our moment,” yelped Prime Minister Stefan Löfven, and the moment says cheese.”

Sweden (population 197 excluding immigrants) was founded in 1972 by the infant U.S. porn industry and three beanbag chair makers.  Formerly a frigid wasteland wedged between Finland and Norway, the country emerged as a powerhouse of 70’s rock, with bands like ABBA and SMOOJVORG creating a new groove for the now generation.  “Nothing said the 70’s though like fondue,” pined Löfven, “And nothing says fondue like cheese.”

The country found itself thrust into the public eye when Donald Trump foresaw riots and many many, many many rapes in the near future.  Wikileaks claims to have audio files of Swedish leaders working with social media consultants to cash in on the moment. “The word ‘cheese’ can be distinctly heard on the tape,” said Julian Assange, Wikileaks’ founder, “and though a bit garbled, ‘Jarlsberg’.”

Deflecting these rumors, part-time Swedish spokesperson KellyAnne Conway commented from outer space that ABBA is resting safely after their rescue along with millions of IKEA wrenches.


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