WASHINGTON DC.  New EPA chief Scott Pruitt asked sick people across the U.S. to fight climate change by driving less, and preferably, dying. “Obamacare has been an environmental disaster,” said Pruitt, “keeping millions alive to wreak havoc on the environment through destructive acts, like breathing.”

“The administration is finally acknowledging that climate change is real,” said a relieved Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY), “and since the dead tend to vote Democratic anyway, we’re in.”  Whether the climate is actually changing remains controversial.  Yesterday, the news media admitted to lying about climate change among many transgressions, including inventing Kim Kardashian.

Pruitt himself is a source of controversy, with many EPA employees protesting his taking control of the agency.  Best known for his damning account of the impact illegal immigration on the environment of Trump-branded golf courses, Pruitt  favors burning all U.S. coal to keep it out of terrorist hands. “Good for the economy, bad for them,” smirked Pruitt.  Pruitt claims this policy exhibits his independence from Donald Trump who already claims to have saved the coal industry by striking a deal with Santa.

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