katran_-_murmanskWASHINGTON DC.  Concerns over a leaky White House led the Trump administration today to move the Oval Office to the secure confines of a Russian spy ship anchored off the coast of Delaware.  “It’s a beautiful ship, with flatware from the Ivanka Kitchen collection,” gushed KellyAnne Conway, Trump senior advisor. Conway made headlines herself recently marketing her own line of clothes, Alternative Slacks.

“They know everything anyway,” reasoned House Speaker Paul Ryan, “and when’s the last time the Kremlin had a leak?”  The administration has grown increasingly frustrated with leaks, and reported that Michael Flynn, head of national security, resigned in a huff after a phone conversation during which he shared state secrets and his pecan pie recipe with Russian intelligence was leaked to the press. “That’s an award-winning pie,” said Flynn, “Enough is enough.”

Leaks have plagued administrations throughout American history.  General William T. Sherman leaked “forty acres and a mule,” during the Reconstruction, causing a run on mules that scholars say is the root of racism in the U.S. “Forty acres was one thing, but the mule, well, that was over the top,” said a well-regarded historian.

To raise cash, Russia also announced that the spy ship would host singles cruises, and signed Cap’n, of Captain and Tenille, as the ship’s entertainment.  Cap’n made a comeback recently after hoaxing rumors of his own death.

Photo Credit
joost j. bakker from ijmuiden, the netherlands

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