PALM SPRING, FL. You can’t beat Mar-A-Lago, Donald Trump’s Florida home and country club, for people watching and managing a potential nuclear war, reported Zagats today. The famed restaurant review guide included comments like “Great lighting,” “Huuuuge portions!” and “U232 to go, please.”
Yesterday, patrons were treated to a typical scene at the swank club. President Donald Trump was enjoying funnyman VP Mike Pence’s comedic bit in which he pretends to give the Heimlich Maneuver to a choking refugee when news flashed of a North Korean missile launch. Trump immediately called for the check and the nuclear codes, and to much laughter from surrounding tables, pretended to mix up the two, authorizing a return strike. “Not going to do that again!” chortled Trump, referring to his mix-up of a pizza delivery bill and an Executive order.
Democrats were outraged, “Using cell phones while dining is gauche,” sneered Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY), “What message are we sending our kids?” An investigation was called for, and Democrats vowed to protest by covering their ears at the next session of Congress while chanting, “Not listening.”
To combat missteps like nuclear war with Russia due to the autocorrect of a Trump tweet, the Administration reminded the public that in case of an erroneous launch missiles are programmed for automatic redirection to Mexico. “If this keeps up, we’ll save billions by not having to build the Wall,” Trump pointed out.