WASHINGTON DC. In an historic turnabout, a white woman, Betsy Devos, trying to enter a public school for the first time today, was blocked on the schoolyard steps by black protesters. “I was hoping to see what a school looks like,” said Devos, recently named Secretary of Education for the Trump administration, “and maybe even a teacher.”
“There are plenty of schools for people like her,” said one protester, “we just don’t want her kind near our kids.” Protesters were later dismayed to learn that Devos bought the school at a recent bake sale held by Democratic Senators. “We didn’t know who she was,” said a sheepish Chuck Schumer, a leading Democrat, “and she also bought a tray of cupcakes.”
Things were further complicated when KellyAnne Conway gushed over Devos’s classic children’s book, A Credit Line for Poochkins, which teaches important lessons on buying your way to popularity and cabinet-level positions. “A must read,” shilled Conway, who has come under fire recently for introducing her own fashion line, Alternative Slacks.