Craftsmen responsible for President Trump’s crown complained today that the hair growth meds he is taking are making it impossible to complete their work, further delaying Trump’s coronation. “Rapunzel had nothing on this guy,” sniffed a crown maker, “We can’t keep up.”

The Trump administration is not new to hair-related controversy.  During the election, Democrats accused Mike Pence of using a banned substance to thicken his hair and eyebrows, tipping the election to Trump. “We once again deny any material Russian aid in thickening Pence’s hair, wheezed press secretary Sean Spicer, “They just gave us a little advice on the eyebrows, and suggested ways to straighten his part.”

The new crown is an essential element in Trump’s upcoming coronation, during which he intends to launch his own country.  “We have our own security and media organizations,” reasoned Trump advisor KellyAnn Conway, “Seems like the natural next step.”

The new country will not replace the current country, but will offer an alternative for people who want an equal chance based on hard work, a government that cares about the needs of its citizens before the needs of people in distant lands, that values jobs above regulations, that protects its borders but has a reasonable way for people to enter, that protects all rights, from speech to religion to gun ownership, and that isn’t afraid to tell it like it is.  “Huh,” commented Joe Biden, “Too bad we didn’t think of that.”

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Jasmine_Ai