WASHINGTON, DC Jan 26, 2017. The price for key Mexican imports, including actual Mexicans, soared today when Donald Tump announced a 20% tax on those goods and others to help pay for The Wall. “Normally if you buy a pinata they will throw in one Mexican, maybe two if they are small,” lamented a shopper in a local party store here, “Those days are gone.”
Mexico’s President, Enrique Peña Nieto, was quick to retaliate for the move, “We are slapping a tax on major American exports, including porn, artificial flavoring, and all of the ‘Housewives’ shows.”
In an attack on another critical U.S. industry, Tex-Mex restaurants, Mexico changed its name to an unpronounceable symbol, a move borrowed from legendary rocker, Prince. “No one will go to a Tex-Symbol restaurant!” clucked a representative of The-Country-Formerly-Known-As-Mexico. “Dastardly,” sighed House Speaker Paul Ryan.
Meanwhile, Trump is doubling down on a strategy of taxation as punishment. Proposals included taxing victims of torture, “Call it paying for room and board and water,” chuckled the new President.