Los Angeles, CA, Jan 25, 2017. Celebrities, trapped in the U.S. behind Trump’s Wall, have grown desperate. “We’re down to two cases of Perrier,” said the maid for a renowned actor, “The mood is bleak.”
While Trump’s wall extends across the southern border of the U.S., the east and west coasts are bordered by oceans, leaving a long swim as the only escape. The border to Canada remains open for now, but Trump has ordered traffic treadles placed along its length, making it possible to leave but not return without serious tire damage.
The plight of celebrities has attracted the focus of the mainstream media. Discarding reasoned coverage about whether a wall is an efficient strategy to end illegal immigration, the media took on the critical issue of whether Trump is being truthful about the the width of the wall. “Trump’s Wall Thick Trick,” sniffed the NY Times, citing evidence that the wall is actually 3/32 of an inch narrower than Trump represents.
Meanwhile, in the face of mortal dangers celebrities strive to maintain their daily lives of wealth and privilege. “We must struggle on despite the hardships,” said an anonymous actor, “Now please, you’re blocking my light.”