Washington DC, Jan 24, 2017. It was discovered today that China has built an island in the heart of Washington DC. New satellite imagery has been deemed inconclusive, but an eyewitness went on the record saying, “…that sure looks like a runway.”
Previous satellite imagery missed the construction as it had been commissioned by the Trump administration to detect voting by illegal immigrants, particularly those hiding out in women’s locker rooms at several major universities.
The Chinese Embassy confirms that China will continue to lay claim to important bodies of water by building islands with fun tourist attractions like runways capable of handling large bombers. Adding a takeout joint is being interpreted as an olive branch to the Trump administration, which has complained bitterly about the lack of good Chinese food in the neighborhood.
Extending the tactic from the South China Sea to Washington DC is considered a bold, but not unprecedented, move. “Stalin erected a borscht stand on an island he built in a Hungarian lake, and when it got a bad review, protected it with 1400 tanks,” commented a famed historian.
Reflecting Pond: AD Teasdale