Washington, DC, Jan 21, 2017. Women here joined millions marching worldwide today, offering President Trump an unprecedented chance to heal wounds and to grope women at the same event. “He sees this as an opportunity to reach out and touch the people in ways he never could as a mere celebrity,” spun KellyAnn Conway.
“Celebrities still have boundaries when they abuse power,” tweeted President Trump, “For instance, large tips are still in order if you don’t want a PR backlash.” As President, Trump plans to break new ground by fondling women while ordering them about, or while disagreeing with them for no reason.
“I still can’t believe I lost to this clown,” steamed Hillary Clinton while marching, “If it wasn’t for the Russians, Mariah Carey, Mike Pence’s hair and eyebrows, Bill and that Jill Stein thing, the FBI, WikiLeaks, that silly email server, the Electoral College, the fact that people didn’t take the time to get to know the real me, and that they distrusted me more than a serial liar, I would have won. It was that close.”